Welcome to the Tinder-century world of dating. It’s full of swipes, likes and different relationship types. Have you been ghosted? Not heard from your crush? Are they making you feel like cr*p? It’s tough out there, we get it. mindhamok is here to help you navigate the complicated world of ghosting!
*short for charisma
Author: Maggie Cammaroto
You know that one person that lights up any room that’s seemingly brimming with self-confidence? Or that friend that can chat up anyone? Their appeal is so alluring, yet so mysterious. What do they have that we don’t? We might find it difficult to put a finger on. And worse yet – the harder we try to be these people, the less charismatic we become. What’s their secret sauce? Well, we’ve done the research (on the interwebs AND in real life), and we are eager to reveal some self confidence cheat codes to you.
Are you fluent in self-confidence body language?
Here’s a little exercise you can try. Try to touch your toes. You don’t actually have to reach them, but wherever you land, release your neck and let your head hang heavy. Then slowly roll up – vertebra by vertebra – stacking the spine into the hips. Keep the head heavy until the shoulders roll back, the neck unfurls, and the crown reaches towards the sky. Congratulations! You’ve discovered what a self-confident posture looks & feels like to you. Because we all have unique bodies, “good posture” might look very different to each of us.
With this new posture, walk around the room you find yourself in and notice how you feel, do you somehow feel more self-confident, hows your rizz? What kinds of people walk this way? What emotion is being conveyed through your body language? Now take on what we might consider “bad posture” – slouching, tensing, rounding – and ask yourself the same questions. How do you feel? Who walks like this? Which posture feels better? The choice is yours. If you find healthy posture hard to maintain, you might need to work on strengthening your abdominal muscles.
Self-Confidence, not Arrogance!
Remember, we are not going for arrogance here, oh no no no, more self value and respect. Arrogance is often exhibited by us in an attempt to hide an insecurity, now that’s a different blog post altogether, watch this space. Self-confidence is the direction… Check out our blog on peer pressure.
Lips don’t lie
RBF. Resting B*%@h Face. When we’re not actively engaged in conversation, our face can relax into an intimidating stare that basically reads as a big ‘ol “KEEP OUT” to passersby. Most times, we don’t even notice that we’ve taken on such a look. But, hey, we’re not here to say “You should smile more!!!” (we’ve been on the receiving end of this one and it does not, in fact, make you want to smile). Nonetheless, if you strive to appear more confident, there are a few simple ways to brighten up that expression we carry around.
- Slow down & Take it all in – Let’s open our eyes wide and take a look around. Enjoy any trees waving hello in the breeze, the perfect blend of coffee, sugar, and milk in our mugs, the waft of fresh croissants from the bakery, or the sound of rain on roofs. How often do we actually take the time to notice where we are? There is a lot to appreciate in the everyday, but it can easily pass under the radar if we’re fixated on the chores to be done and the places to go. Those things will always be there as part of our experience. But the moment we find ourselves in is completely one-of-a-kind; there will never be another quite like this. Offer yourself the gift of being present…wherever you are. Your expression and body language will follow.
- Breathe! – Try it with me. Instead of breathing into our chests, let’s move the inhale down deep into our bellies. Fill the ribs with breath, then hold at the top of the inhale for a moment. Finally, release the breath with ease and continue the exhale until the inhale naturally returns. How we breathe directly affects the state of our nervous system, meaning we can make ourselves more anxious or more relaxed just by controlling our breath. If you don’t believe me, try hyperventilating for a minute and let me know how you feel. When we’re breathing deeply and extending our exhales, our body naturally calms itself and we’re able to show up as our best selves.
- Smize 🙂 – Next time you spot a Buddha statue, note the facial expression. He’s not giving a neutral look, and he’s definitely not serving RBF. Buddhists call this expression the “half-smile of the Buddha.” To fully feel the power of this slight smile, close or lower the eyes and sit in stillness for a minute or two. Then, allow a very small smile to spread across the lips. Notice how this affects the rest of your body and the way you feel. As Thich Nhat Hahn realized, “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”
The power of these three factors is not limited to eradicating RBF. Slowing down, being present, breathing deeply, and gently smiling will also help us out when we’re engaged in conversation. We’re almost at ~peak rizz levels~. There’s just one last bit we have to cover.
Sometimes life can feel like a rat race from one place to the next (hopefully point #2 above will help a bit with this). What we don’t realize, however, is that on these days we are mindlessly dragging stale vibes everywhere we go. We’re so upset about the milk spilling all over the kitchen counter that we can’t greet our coworkers with a joyful “good morning.” Or we’re so focused on the presentation we have later today that we can’t enjoy brunch with friends.
These are the days that energetic hygiene is the most important. Otherwise, we run the risk of one anxious thought or easy mistake ruining our whole day. Lucky for us, there’s a simple way to freshen up our vibe throughout the day.
Before stepping into any interaction, ask “What energy am I walking in with?” Maybe we want to feel like we light up the room or perhaps that we own it.
We invite you to conduct a social experiment of your own. Start adding in some of these tips and see how people respond. No matter what, remember that you are a superhero. You and I have different powers, so we’re not going to be amazing at everything or perfect at anything. But we are heroes nonetheless…
Self-Confidence grows from within, put your mind in a hammock…
More To Explore
Let’s be honest: student dating is a rollercoaster. A rollercoaster that some of us love to ride, or one that we never want to get on again. That being said, most of us will give dating a go at some point or another. For students who want to start dating, we’ve got one question for you: do you believe in love at first swipe? Punny. Now let’s get started…