Dealing with roommate conflict when studying abroad: how to keep your sanity (and your friendships)

Studying abroad is supposed to be the adventure of a lifetime. New country, new culture, new experiences and food, and if you’re lucky, new friendships that last forever. But what happens when those friendships turn into conflicts? Or you’re just not vibing like you thought you would? What do you do when your roommate’s idea of ‘clean’ is a biohazard, or when small irritations turn into resentment?

If you’re stuck in a difficult living situation while studying abroad, you’re not alone. Navigating conflict is a skill, one that doesn’t come naturally to everyone but is essential for making your time away easier. Here’s how to manage roommate tensions, survive personality clashes, and still make the most of your experience.

1. Accept that conflict is inevitable…

Let’s be real: even if you handpicked your housemates, disagreements will happen – it’s inevitable! Living in close quarters, especially in a new environment where stress levels run high, means that even the tiniest habits can become magnified. Maybe your roommate’s loud phone calls drive you up the wall, or their inability to wash a single dish makes you question humanity. Whatever it is, it’s normal to feel annoyed. The key is what you do with that frustration…

2. Communicate first…

Passive aggressive post it notes aren’t going to solve your problems. Neither is bottling up your feelings until you snap. The best approach? Honest, calm & considerate communication. Try saying something like:

“hey, I know we’ve both got different ways of doing things, but can we chat about keeping the kitchen a bit tidier? It’s been stressing me out a bit”

Simple, direct, and not accusatory. The goal is to express how you feel without making the other person defensive. Nine times out of ten, people don’t even realise they’re doing something frustrating until you tell them. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Check out our blog on leading with compassion.

3. Pick your battles… 

Before you start drafting a roommate constitution, ask yourself: is this really worth the argument? Some things, like hygiene, noise levels, or shared expenses, need to be discussed. Others, like how someone organises their side of the room, might not be worth the mental energy. Prioritise what affects your daily life and let the smaller things slide.

4. Find neutral ground…

Sometimes, the best way to defuse a conflict is to step away. If your living space is tense, try studying in a café or spending time outside. It gives both you and your roommate breathing space. Plus, if you’re struggling to get along with your peers in general, finding social circles outside your immediate living situation through clubs, sports, or local events can make all the difference. Check out our blog on making friends abroad.