Types of Ghosting

Straight-up

This one is so brutal that we almost respect it. Could this be the best out of a bad bunch? This type of ghoster is the one who all of a sudden ends all communication. Did they die? Are they in prison? Were they a figment of your imagination? The list of unanswered questions that we are left with is ever-growing. Sometimes this can be a clear sign that they are not the one and if it’s done early then you can be left feeling grateful that it happened. But sometimes this can happen after you’ve invested your time and energy into someone. Maybe you had an idea in your head and started to become vulnerable with this person. Maybe they ghosted you after you had sex with them for the first time. This type of ghosting is brutal because of the void it can leave, with no explanation or closure. If being a student wasn’t hard enough, now we have to deal with this sh*t?! 

Soft ghosting

Also known as ‘slow ghosting’. Instead of a straight-up ghoster, this one is a lot slower but no less painful. An example of this type of ghosting is being left on read for hours before they reply. Then the responses take days and then a week or two goes by. When they do eventually stop responding altogether you’ve already been 90% ghosted, so what’s another 10%?

Breadcrumb ghosting / Haunting

A similar approach to soft ghosting but a bit more complex. This ghosting approach is when someone gives you breadcrumbs, an ample amount to keep you interested, but not enough to feel secure in the relationship. An example of this could be little to no contact and then a sudden burst of interaction when they’re bored one Friday night. Or you think you’ve been straight-up ghosted and then suddenly, they’re blowing up your phone again. That is where the ‘haunting’ aspect comes into play. They’re gone but somehow still here? It’s a weird one.

Help, I’m a ghoster!

You might recognise one (or all) of the ghosting techniques above, as methods you’ve used when dating. If so, don’t worry. We don’t behave perfectly all the time. We make mistakes, we get hurt and we hurt others. But if you’re reading this, maybe you’re starting to notice a pattern in your behaviour that you’d like to stop repeating. 

It sometimes seems a lot easier to ignore someone, rather than explaining that you’re not interested. Being a ghoster is usually associated with feelings of anxiety rather than outright nastiness. But that doesn’t matter to the person being ghosted – the outcome is still the same.

If you feel yourself leaning towards ghosting as avoidance then remind yourself: ignoring your problems may seem easier, but it’s not fair. Not only do you have the right to change your mind/not be interested/simply say no, the other person has a right to know where they stand with you. If someone gets angry with you because you don’t feel a connection – that’s not on you. We promise you, 99% of the time your honesty will be appreciated whereas your ghosting will not be.

Help, I’ve been ghosted!

Firstly, we hope you’re ok! Rejection of any kind is tough pill to swallow. It can evoke an array of emotions with the root of it being that you’re hurt. So what’s important now is focusing on yourself. You can’t control the behaviour of others, but you can control how you deal with it. Firstly, remind yourself that this isn’t about how you look, what you wear or who are you are. You could be the juiciest peach in all the land… some people just don’t like peaches. In a world full of comparison, try to remember that you’re always enough!